It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
