Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
