sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
