you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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