He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
