____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
