I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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