look no pants
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
