it wasn't lemon gatorade
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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