hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
