You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
