Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a search helicopter?!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
