i think my tv is drunk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
