This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
