my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My life is pants optional.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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