i was rollin on her like bob the builder
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
