Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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