i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
