I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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