i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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