can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
