I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize