Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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