On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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