I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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