I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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