I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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