So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
