It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
