If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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