you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
