You work out of a Hotel?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
