Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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