When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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