I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
