Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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