your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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