Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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