when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
