yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
