take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
