You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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