I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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