Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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