Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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