I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize