Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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