After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do herpes really smell.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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