see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
