if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
