i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
