it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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