One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
