my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
