Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
BRING THE BAGELS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I deserve this hangover.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
