Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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