Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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