Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
