And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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