I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
