he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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