I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
