yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
