For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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