my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
