Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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