omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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