I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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