omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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