I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
