Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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