i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
