I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
