Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
