you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
