U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
