I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize