I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Alive.
So much puke
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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