do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
