Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
