Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize