i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
