Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
