It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
