It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
