woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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