I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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