The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
