The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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