Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
