come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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