I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
