Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
