does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
