Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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