Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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