im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
