Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
