I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize