sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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