If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
