I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
