I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
