ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
