I got chris browned last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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