I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
